Embracing Vulnerability: ‘Loved, Lost, Laughed & Laboured’

Introduction

I’ve always found it difficult to talk about my life. This has led some to believe that I’m closed off. Others have said that I’m difficult to read. A mystery. It’s sometimes damaged my relationships and friendships. Some relationships I have been in, the other half has sometimes wanted to know all things all at once right at the beginning. I couldn’t always do that.
Be it because of embarrassment of where I’ve come from or what’s happened to me. Or because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I’ve been afraid of judgement, afraid of being ashamed.
I used to take great pride in the fact that no one person knows everything about me. There have always been facts or events that are missing from individual’s knowledge of me. It’s led to me not letting people in.
And now, honestly, I feel like I’m suffering for it.
I’ve become a closed book.
Well, now it’s time to open the book, and more specifically write it.
This is a somewhat therapeutic, somewhat explanation, somewhat auto-biographical piece. That’s part thanks to everyone involved, part love letter and part closing a chapter and moving on.
What you’re about to read is something I haven’t told anyone about my life.
A lot of things have happened in my life. I’ve been homeless. I nearly died twice. Climbed a mountain. Graduated at 30. Emigrated and came back. Ran a marathon. This is the second book I’ve published. I’ve appeared on TV, and it wasn’t Crimewatch or the news. That’s made my life not so normal. But it sure has been full.

I was born in a small town where everyone knew everyone. I was the quiet kid who observed everything but rarely spoke. Even from a young age, I found it challenging to share my thoughts and feelings with others. As I grew older, this introverted nature cemented itself, often creating a barrier between me and those around me. Despite having many acquaintances, the feeling of true connection eluded me.

As life unfolded, I faced various adversities, each one reinforcing my inclination to keep my experiences private. The fear of being judged, pitied, or misunderstood left me hesitant to unveil my inner world. I sheltered my story, finding solace in the knowledge that no single person possessed the complete picture of my life.

But as the years passed, the weight of carrying these untold tales grew heavier. The burden of isolation became palpable, and I realized that my reluctance to open up was not a shield, but a shackle. It confined me to a solitary existence, inhibiting the potential for genuine closeness with others.

In a moment of epiphany, I recognized that my reticence was causing more harm than protection. It was time to break free from the self-imposed isolation and embrace vulnerability. By sharing my journey, I sought to bridge the gap between the external facade and the hidden narrative, to offer a glimpse into the depths of my experiences.

This narrative is not just a recollection of events, but a testament to resilience, perseverance, and the enduring human spirit. It is an ode to the unwavering support of those who stood by me, an acknowledgment of the love that illuminated even the darkest moments, and a declaration of empowerment as I embrace the next chapter.

Within these pages, I catalog moments of despair and triumph, each imbued with the essence of the extraordinary life I have led. From the struggles of homelessness to the euphoria of conquering a mountain peak, from the despair of near-death experiences to the elation of crossing the finish line of a marathon, each chapter depicts a tapestry woven with the threads of courage, hope, and unwavering determination.

My journey has been anything but conventional, shaped by a series of unforeseen twists and turns that propelled me into uncharted territories. Yet, amid the unpredictability, I discovered an unyielding strength within myself – a strength that transformed trials into triumphs, and hurdles into stepping stones.

As I transcribe these intimate reflections, I offer a piece of myself to the world, inviting readers to witness the unfiltered essence of my existence. Through these candid revelations, I endeavor to shatter the barriers of misunderstandings and transcend the limitations of secrecy.

This endeavour is more than a mere autobiography; it is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, an invitation to embrace vulnerability, and a reminder that our stories, no matter how unconventional, hold the power to inspire, connect, and uplift one another.

Premise

I’ve read many books, particularly biographies that kind of just plod and, yeah they’re insightful, inspiring sometimes, but I’ve never been drawn in to it. That’s something I wanted to change with LLLL. I didn’t want it to be just linear, this happened and then that happened, oh woe is me. I wanted to draw people into my world and my experiences, wanted the audience to know what’s possible.
Just tell a life story in a different way.
It was also very therapeutic for me, to be able to confront those times and problems, deal with them internally because there have been times where I felt they, and the memories, have been holding me back from fulfilling my true potential. More details can be found below.

Chapters:

The Colonel
As the week begins, we’re introduced to Jack and all he has. He looks back at the time when he didn’t have anything sleeping on the streets and in the doorway of a local church. When he was inspired by a fellow homeless man he nicknamed “The Colonel”. A man who remained a mystery.

Lesson from Grandad
When faced with an upscale event at work, Jack thinks back to all the things he learned from his Grandparents and how that made him the gentleman he is today.

Reasons For Happening
After a bad nights sleep, Jack thinks back to the times dreams, destiny and fate has been driving him to this moment in this time, with these people.

Fleeting Friends
While having lunch with an old friend and colleague, Jack looks back on other old friends and what it took for them to not be in his life anymore. For good or ill.

Fleeting Family
After receiving a letter from his estranged father, Jack relives the traumatic experiences he had growing up and what would eventually lead to his family breaking up for good.

It All Comes To This
The day has come. His child is to be born today. But Jack thinks about the times he died. Either by car accident or at his own hands. Everything that has been going through his mind in the past week as all lead up to this moment. The day the next book starts to be written.